I am ALIVE!!!

With knowledge comes responsibility. This is true not only for the Word of God and gospel of Jesus Christ, but with missions as well. When i first came to Emmanuel i was captured by these children, their need for love and desire for attention. I was overwhelmed with the desire to give them just that. At that point i was a volunteer... Playing with the toddlers in the morning, taking the boys to the mountains in the afternoons. It was a blast! Amazing... i was blinded to the powers and principalities at work in this ministry. Then, i started working on the farm. For some reason i am always drawn to work with my hands, to be more constructive. The farm is absolutely amazing and I am learning more than i couldve ever imagined. From raising chickens and continuing the entire cycle of life to death, and providing food for these kids whether it be the vegetables we grow or the pigs we raise. It is amazing. But after working on the farm for a week i was put in charge of the chicken process and some of the boys. The first two weeks were the worst experience and hardest struggle i have ever encountered in my life. I delt with boys with little to no respect for women, who think women should be in the kitchens and cleaning their rooms. They wouldnt listen to me and cursed me at every opportunity. Every day i would go to my house broken and weaping for these boys and the condition of their hearts. But God heard my cry, he gave my the strength and determination to fight for these boys and it was amazing, over the period of a week it was as if they just realized i wasn't going any where, and that they were going to have to work with me, listening and respecting me. Now, if someone says something hurtful or ugly to me my boys are very quick to protect me. This gave me just a glimpse, and I cant imagine how broken, angry and disgusted Christ is over our sin. He died so the world could have life, and so many people push him away, cursing His name and spitting in His face. Yet, to encounter suffering for the sake of Christ for the love of those people is a blessing, a priviledge, yet we arent even worthy to suffer for Christ. As i spend more and more time with these boys, speaking with them and encouraging them, they have begun to grant me this level of trust that i dont deserve. They pour their hearts out, their pain, suffering, frustrations everything in search of what they lack. The one thing they need and the only thing i have to give them. Christ. They hear the Word of God daily, they memorize the Word of God in abundance yet they lack true, intimate fellowship with Jesus CHrist. They miss the nessecity of a relationship with Jesus Christ. Sure they believe in God, they even believe in Jesus... they know who He is, but they do not know Him! They have not experienced CHrist. Knowing and believing is not enough! The demons believe in God and they shudder! You have to have an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, and that is what i am trying to teach these boys through my actions. My spanish is improving by the day, but as the days pass they seem to pass faster and faster. The farm never stops... never! You are always moving, always going. This is good for production, but awful for ministry! I find myself getting frustrated because i don't have time to talk with the boys about there days any more. The more responsibility that is given to me, the less time i have with the boys on an individual bases. It seems as though i wake up, go to the farm, work and in no time the day is gone and the boys are locked in the houses. This issue has effected me quite a bit lately. It seems as though i am doing more work than ministry, and I am here to give these kids Christ... They have teachings, they have rules, but they need relationships. They need true examples of how to live! They need someone to be a shoulder to cry on when theyre angry and frustrated, they need someone to guide them in the ways of the Lord face to face... not only from the pulpit! They need arms of grace and compassion, but also Godly discipline and guidance. Not some one saying hey...work faster, move quicker... youre lazy, be a man! They hear it to often and it breaks my heart! I have had little opportunity to build realtionships with the girls which is also something that I am praying about changing... I have built three stong relationships with the girls. They all actually turned twenty last week. Gloria, Dilcia and Yenny. Amazing ladies. We can just sit down and talk forever about what is going on in their lives and see what the bible says they need to do. Yet, i am blown away, because they will tell me there problems and they know what they need to do. So we pray for strength, wisdom and endurance.___________________--Mirjam and I have been taking groups of kids to the mountains every Saturday when we have time off. We have found some amazing views and a water hole we take the kids to swim in. I have found that this is the time where i get to know the kids the most. I finally was able to share the gospel message in Spanish with one of the boys Saturday in the mountains. He is one of the new boys and as I was asking them all questions leading to the gospel he said he wasnt a Christian and he wanted to know what it was, and why we were Christians...it was amazing. Please continue to pray for these children and staff here at Emmanuel. I love you guys.