I know that you’ve probably had enough Christmas for one year; so forgive me. Nevertheless, i felt inclined to squash any traditional imagery existing that looks like this:
Here’s a stable, two proud parents of a Newborn (who’s large size makes me pity His mother) (Also note that Mary doesn’t have a drop of sweat after just delivering.), one clean shepherd, various clean livestock, three men bearing gifts wearing fancy cloaks (one is often black for diversity’s sake), and an angel (who looks like a person with wings) with her arms open welcoming all to come and behold the 30-lb. Newborn. Everyone has a fair complexion. Often Jesus has blond hair and blue eyes and is never crying. Everything is symmetrical. In the back of your mind (or Wal-mart or Christian retail bookstore, where you bought the set) “Silent Night” is playing softly.
The Bible paints a very Christmasy picture: This betrothed couple travel through 90 miles of Israeli roads (according to my crude measurement of a map in the back of my Bible) from Nazareth to Bethlehem (Luke 2:4) with divorce crossing their minds during the pregnancy (Matthew 1:19). No form of transportation is mentioned (contrary to the tradition that Joseph walked while Mary rode a donkey). I can only assume they both walked, as was the common form of transportation in the day. I’m not sure how long it takes to walk 90 miles with a woman in her last days of pregnancy, but i can’t imagine it was an enjoyable trip. Though the Bible is unclear on Mary’s age, many scholars suggest she was in her early teens, as was the custom for girls to marry older men. Joseph’s carpentry business was likely failing as no one would cater to a man who apparently impregnated an underage girl out of wedlock. Mary, covered with acne as most 15-year-old girls are, was demanding the B.C. equivalent to rocky road ice cream every 30 minutes, as she was very pregnant. When they finally arrived in Bethlehem, Joseph and Mary were hoping for a place to rest their weary backs. But wait; due to the census, there was no room in the inn (Luke 2:7). I can see it now: Joseph is ready to fight the innkeeper. Mary is probably more ready to do so. I’ve never been around too many pregnant women for a lengthy duration of time, but i do know that you don’t want to get on their bad side, especially while they’re in labor like Mary (Luke 2:6). After knocking out the innkeeper (I made that part up), they headed through the crowded streets (due to that dang census), probably asking several townspeople for help as i can’t imagine they ran straight to the barn to have the Baby. No one will help, so they must go to a filthy manger, a feeding trough. They hosed down the slop that the livestock didn’t finish that day from the feeding trough, worrying about infections for both Mary and the Baby. There was probably blood from Mary and cow manure everywhere. Cows (or whatever livestock were present) were mooing as they were being run out of the stall to make room, dogs (if present) were barking and growling at these strangers, and Mary was screaming at the top of her lungs in pain during labor contrary to the song “Silent Night” would have us believe. I somehow doubt that Joseph, a carpenter, was probably much help in the science of child birthing. Trying to keep the situation as sanitary as possible, all they could come up with was swaddling cloths (Luke 2:7) to put God in. Meanwhile, an angel invited some shepherds in from the field (Luke 2:8). I imagine they smelled awful, as sheep herders care for their animals, often getting the manure and so forth on their persons, having no where to shower. The angel probably did not look like a person with wings; rather, it possibly looked like other angels in the Bible: terrifying, covered in fire, having eyes all over, 3 pairs of wings, a head like that of a lion, and/or a flaming sword (Genesis 3:24, Isaiah 6:2, Ezekiel 1:5-14, Revelation 4:6-8). It’s no wonder the shepherds were afraid (Luke 2:9)! Suddenly a multitude of a host of angels that looked like this appeared (Luke 2:13). A “host” is an army, not a choir. I suspect at least part of the band of shepherds had wet or soiled themselves, further adding to their smell. The magi (wise men), which are never numbered in Scripture, did not come that night. In fact, it is likely they came around two years later as Herod ordered all the male children under two years old aborted in the land in order to exterminate Jesus. Sorry, but you’ll have to find another way to bring diversity to the manger; no black guy. Since the wise men were “from the east,” (Matthew 2:1) they probably looked more Asian or Arabian anyway. Evidently they weren’t too wise since they explained that they were looking for “the king of the Jews” (Matthew 2:2) which made King Herod nervous enough plan an assassination. Thankfully, his plan failed and Jesus grew into a man, probably not having too many friends his age growing up since Herod killed the all boys in Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16). Perhaps He found some in Nazareth when they moved there (Matthew 2:23).
And thus the King of kings, Lord of lords, Prince of peace, and Son of God left the comforts and glory of Heaven and entered this world of sinners in humility and suffering.
Here’s a stable, two proud parents of a Newborn (who’s large size makes me pity His mother) (Also note that Mary doesn’t have a drop of sweat after just delivering.), one clean shepherd, various clean livestock, three men bearing gifts wearing fancy cloaks (one is often black for diversity’s sake), and an angel (who looks like a person with wings) with her arms open welcoming all to come and behold the 30-lb. Newborn. Everyone has a fair complexion. Often Jesus has blond hair and blue eyes and is never crying. Everything is symmetrical. In the back of your mind (or Wal-mart or Christian retail bookstore, where you bought the set) “Silent Night” is playing softly.
The Bible paints a very Christmasy picture: This betrothed couple travel through 90 miles of Israeli roads (according to my crude measurement of a map in the back of my Bible) from Nazareth to Bethlehem (Luke 2:4) with divorce crossing their minds during the pregnancy (Matthew 1:19). No form of transportation is mentioned (contrary to the tradition that Joseph walked while Mary rode a donkey). I can only assume they both walked, as was the common form of transportation in the day. I’m not sure how long it takes to walk 90 miles with a woman in her last days of pregnancy, but i can’t imagine it was an enjoyable trip. Though the Bible is unclear on Mary’s age, many scholars suggest she was in her early teens, as was the custom for girls to marry older men. Joseph’s carpentry business was likely failing as no one would cater to a man who apparently impregnated an underage girl out of wedlock. Mary, covered with acne as most 15-year-old girls are, was demanding the B.C. equivalent to rocky road ice cream every 30 minutes, as she was very pregnant. When they finally arrived in Bethlehem, Joseph and Mary were hoping for a place to rest their weary backs. But wait; due to the census, there was no room in the inn (Luke 2:7). I can see it now: Joseph is ready to fight the innkeeper. Mary is probably more ready to do so. I’ve never been around too many pregnant women for a lengthy duration of time, but i do know that you don’t want to get on their bad side, especially while they’re in labor like Mary (Luke 2:6). After knocking out the innkeeper (I made that part up), they headed through the crowded streets (due to that dang census), probably asking several townspeople for help as i can’t imagine they ran straight to the barn to have the Baby. No one will help, so they must go to a filthy manger, a feeding trough. They hosed down the slop that the livestock didn’t finish that day from the feeding trough, worrying about infections for both Mary and the Baby. There was probably blood from Mary and cow manure everywhere. Cows (or whatever livestock were present) were mooing as they were being run out of the stall to make room, dogs (if present) were barking and growling at these strangers, and Mary was screaming at the top of her lungs in pain during labor contrary to the song “Silent Night” would have us believe. I somehow doubt that Joseph, a carpenter, was probably much help in the science of child birthing. Trying to keep the situation as sanitary as possible, all they could come up with was swaddling cloths (Luke 2:7) to put God in. Meanwhile, an angel invited some shepherds in from the field (Luke 2:8). I imagine they smelled awful, as sheep herders care for their animals, often getting the manure and so forth on their persons, having no where to shower. The angel probably did not look like a person with wings; rather, it possibly looked like other angels in the Bible: terrifying, covered in fire, having eyes all over, 3 pairs of wings, a head like that of a lion, and/or a flaming sword (Genesis 3:24, Isaiah 6:2, Ezekiel 1:5-14, Revelation 4:6-8). It’s no wonder the shepherds were afraid (Luke 2:9)! Suddenly a multitude of a host of angels that looked like this appeared (Luke 2:13). A “host” is an army, not a choir. I suspect at least part of the band of shepherds had wet or soiled themselves, further adding to their smell. The magi (wise men), which are never numbered in Scripture, did not come that night. In fact, it is likely they came around two years later as Herod ordered all the male children under two years old aborted in the land in order to exterminate Jesus. Sorry, but you’ll have to find another way to bring diversity to the manger; no black guy. Since the wise men were “from the east,” (Matthew 2:1) they probably looked more Asian or Arabian anyway. Evidently they weren’t too wise since they explained that they were looking for “the king of the Jews” (Matthew 2:2) which made King Herod nervous enough plan an assassination. Thankfully, his plan failed and Jesus grew into a man, probably not having too many friends his age growing up since Herod killed the all boys in Bethlehem (Matthew 2:16). Perhaps He found some in Nazareth when they moved there (Matthew 2:23).
And thus the King of kings, Lord of lords, Prince of peace, and Son of God left the comforts and glory of Heaven and entered this world of sinners in humility and suffering.
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