Mimicing Jesus in the Pursuit of Marriage

The last time i wrote about this subject, i believe my ideas were choppy and a little hard to follow. If you read the other two blog entries on marriage, feel free to skip this one as it will say about 90% of the same stuff, some word-for-word. If you haven’t read the former two or didn’t follow my logic, please read on…

That being said, the goal of this entry is to convince you, the reader, of Scriptural truths, not my opinion. If after reading, you disagree, then i apologize in advance because evidently i won’t have used enough Scripture to convince you. If you say it works for some people but not for all because of their context of culture or time or specific situation, keep in mind that those are the same arguments relativists use to ignore the offer of salvation through grace in Christ when other parts of Scripture are shown to them. If Biblical, then it applies to all peoples in all cultures in all eras of history, regardless, be it the core doctrine of salvation or a simple instruction for holy Christian living.
“Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ‘Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.’” (Matthew 1:18-20)
They were betrothed (a type of engagement), before their wedding, and divorce was still legally necessary in order that they separate. Hmmm. That means that somehow their betrothal made them legally married, but they still had to keep their virginity until the wedding. Biblical engagement was a time of preparation for marriage, not a final test to see if you really want to marry someone, as is the case so often in western culture. Interestingly enough, this is the type of relationship we currently share with Christ.
“I feel a divine jealousy for you, for I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:2)
We have been betrothed (engaged) to Christ. He has paid the bride-price, His blood. As Christians, we have accepted His proposal for marriage and salvation. Since He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), He’s not going to divorce us. Contextually this passage is about Judah’s unfaithfulness. She even marries a foreign god in the Lord’s sanctuary (v.11). In spite of that, He states that He hates divorce. In the same way, God could say He hates something, like rape. Because of that, you can’t justify it. Can you imagine of God said, “I hate rape, but it’s ok if _____.”? That’s ridiculous! In the same way, if God says He hates divorce, it’s not ok, ever. This betrothal we have with Christ is not a trial period. We are His. This is it. We are married to Him. We are His Bride. He has not put a diamond band on our finger, but the Holy Spirit is the seal on our hearts. (Ephesians 1:13, 4:30)
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32)
“And Pharisees came up to Him and tested Him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. and I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’” (Matthew 19:3-9)
Jesus is not giving an excuse to divorce. He is not saying, “Divorce is wrong unless your spouse cheats on you. Then it’s ok.” No! He is saying that it is adulterous to divorce your spouse except in the case for sexual immorality. In the case of sexual immorality, divorce is still wrong (v.6b, “…let no man separate.”) but it’s just not considered adultery.
Really, the issue of divorce and eternal security are directly linked. Does Christ divorce His Bride? Nor should we. Read Hosea. Israel has played the harlot. She has submitted herself as a servant to false gods, having adultery with them. Yes, God condemns it. He is furious. However, He takes her back, speaking kindly to her (v. 2:14). God even has the prophet, Hosea, marry a prostitute so that he can relate to the Lord’s position. God is in love with His Bride and always takes her back. So should we. Divorce is wrong, period. There is no justifiable excuse for it. We are secure in Christ. He will never leave us nor forsake us. We didn’t do anything to save ourselves. Nor can we do anything to unsave ourselves, and thus, forfeit our Marriage with Him. I feel like there are greater minds on this subject, if you are interested.
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:22-27)
We are to mimic Christ’s relationship to His Bride in our marriages. How does Christ love His Bride? However He does it, we should mimic it. Well, we’ve already seen that He has a mentality where divorce is not an option. Also, during this time of engagement, Christ has emotional and spiritual intimacy with us. It is as deep as we allow it to be. Interestingly enough, before we accept His proposal, we do not share this marital emotional intimacy with Him. Sure, He loves us, but with the agape love that God has for all people, but we are not loved by Him in the sense that a husband loves his bride, eros love. Before you entered into this engagement with Christ, how much romantic intimacy did you have with Him? I was incapable of having any sort of deep intimacy with Christ, where He leads me and guides me to understand more and more about His mysterious character. Biblical truths were foreign to me. I was incapable of understanding them without the guide of the Holy Spirit.
Furthermore, there was no trial relationship i had with God. Sometimes i see graffiti that says, “TRY JESUS.” I can’t help but think, “What a load of crap! You can’t try Him.” The Gospel message is reckless abandonment of my old self in order to place my faith in Christ, taking that leap of faith into the grace of Christ that saves me. Try leaping from one place to another sometime without fully committing to it, or try throwing a rock without committing to it (You people from Snowbird will remember Brody’s sermon illustration about the parallels between faith and rock throwing.). It’s impossible. You’re either doing it or not. Therefore, i either accept His proposal or not. A lost person will never be able to try out Christianity for a little while with the mindset that if they don’t like it or things don’t work out, they can always go back to their old lifestyle. Once they throw that rock and release it from their hand, there is no bringing it back. It’s gone. Our relationship with our earthly brides, if God wills us to be married, should mimic Christ’s relationship with His Bride in this.
“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father. Treat younger men like brothers, 2 older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1)
How far should we go with our siblings? Emotionally? Physically? Spiritually? Now, the Bible doesn’t say, “Thou shalt not date.” But, in my opinion, dating or courting your sister is pretty gross. God thinks so too.
As an athlete, i’ve learned that i will play how i practice. 9 times out of 10, if i try to change something on game-day, it’s not going to work. I train my mind to play a certain way through repetition in practice. Is it any surprise the divorce rate in western culture is so high (50-51% in the US, i’m told)? Our culture teaches us that we must enter into trial romantic relationships before marriage. If i do that over and over again, training my mind to test out a member of the opposite sex, through repetition, and then dumping them when things don’t turn out so well, i’m setting myself up for a marriage that will follow suit. Some 50% of marriages have followed suit. Many married people are allowing themselves the option of temporary romantic relationships leading up to marriage because that’s how they’ve trained their minds to work since their teenage years. Many can’t stop this mindset and so divorce, which makes marriage a temporary romantic relationship, is the inevitable. Sure, by the grace of God, He can and does change that mindset in so many Christian homes that were started through trial romantic relationships, but should He have to?
Granted, i know countless married couples who have managed to have marriages that God uses to glorify Himself which were organized through a trial romantic relationship (dating, courting, whatever you call it). God uses imperfect people and situations to glorify Himself every moment of everyday. He's more than capable of using a marriage that was set up through dating to glorify Himself. Even so, we should not embrace those trial romantic relationships no more than we should embrace the kiss from Judas which God used through a series of events to send Christ to the cross and so make forgiveness available to all men. If something is not His Will, we should avoid it, if possible, regardless of how He may wield it in the future.
“Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
‘Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
The Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
And give him the glory,
For the marriage of the Lamb has come,
And His Bride has made herself ready;
It was granted her to clothe herself
With fine linen, bright and pure’—
For the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: “Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.”’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God.’” (Revelation 19:6)

Throughout Scripture we are referred to as the Bride of Christ, but our wedding ceremony/supper has not happened yet. However, we are His betrothed Bride because we have accepted His proposal for salvation, and ultimately, for marriage. The marriage ceremony is found here in Revelation, which will happen after the rapture. We are to be ready for His coming, always preparing for this marriage. Interestingly enough, our first physical intimacy is shared with Christ here, at the marriage. What an awesome picture it is to see my Christian friends who share their first kiss on the wedding altar! To really strive to keep physical purity until the time Christ shows us by His own example with His Bride! Wow!
“The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,‘This at last is bone of my bonesAnd flesh of my flesh;She shall be called Woman,Because she was taken out of Man.’Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:20-25)
Have you ever thought about how profound it is that God put Adam to sleep? Why would he do such a thing? Was it for anesthesia? No, God could have simply made the rib area numb if He wanted to. He knew that if Adam was awake while He was forming a mate for him, he would have tried to help God by saying, “Hey God, can you make her look like this… Think like this… Act like this…” God says, “No. Go to sleep, Adam. I know what’s best for you. I’ll wake you up when I’m ready to give her to you.”
Adam had already been studying the animals finding “there was not found a helper fit for him.” Looking at the hippos, orangutans, elephants, cats, etc., Adam says to himself, “No, I don’t want any of that action!” Later, “Hey animals, have yall seen something that looks like me, except…a little different?” Thankfully, God had better plans for Adam.
About this Genesis passage, Jim Elliot, while still single, journaled…
“No one warns young people to follow Adam’s example. He waited ‘til God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this ‘being asleep’ in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all. Instead we are set as bloodhounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow can not ignore women- but he can think of them as he ought: as sisters, not as sparring partners!”
My fellow singles, let us now enter into a deep sleep. Let us be asleep in the will of God. He’ll wake you up when He’s ready to give you your spouse, if indeed that is His plan for you.