Man vs Beast

This morning at 1am the public electricity turned off so i got up to check it out.  As my flashlight illuminated the kitchen where our electrical panel is, i startled a critter in the dark.  I heard the plastic cookie wrappers stiring in the shadows and knowing what it was immediately by experience, i fixed my light beam i that direction.  It scurried, still unseen, only heard, behind our wooden shelves.  I grabbed an aerosol can of Spritex Insect Killer, which is manufactured in China and is so toxic it's not allowed inthe States.  I fumigated the animal out of hiding by spraying behind the shelf.  Not enjoying the DDVP and tetramethrin flooding it's lungs, the rat finally showed itself by darting across the floor and into the open cabinet under the sink.  It's body was a good six or seven inches long, not including the tail. Now cornered, i shined the flashlight right in its eyes which was the last thing it will have ever seen, because i sprayed Spritex in its face from a few inches away.  Now blind, the rodent leaped onto my shirtless belly and returned the favor by clawing a nasty scratch four inches long.  It fell to the floor where i dropped my flashlight and ran across my feet.  I attempted an ad hoc River Dance in the dark to stomp the beast, but to no avail.  It disappeared into the opposite side of the kitchen under the fridge and stove.  As my respiratory rate increased in all the excitement and appliance moving it became painfully evident i'd inhaled some of the pesticides myself and, i began to cough uncontrollably.  I gave up and called a truce for the night and returned to bed.
After dawn i decided to walk the length of my private power line stretching about 200 meters from my house down the street since my voltage has recently dropped from 220V to 160V.  This could mean a bad wire somewhere or one of my neighbors had tapped my line and was stealing voltage.  I entered my Lebonese neighbor's yard, invited by his guard.  After talking with that neighbor i proceded to exit through the gate of his compound and and the guard dog began biting my ankles, one of whiched was bloodied during the debacle.  Now mamed by a mutt, scratched by a rat, and poisoned by China, i returned home before 8am, as glad as ever ever to be a US American on the Fourth of July.  Happy birthday USA!